A new hope
by PercyFosterMellark
Summary: Callie and Jude Jacob have been adopted by the Fosters, and have been living with them happily for a year. But what happens when they find another kid? They don't have enough room. They closed their hearts; it would be to much. They want to help, and they do their best. More secrets come to life. Who knew broken people can have such a big impact on your life? Talks about self harm.
1. Intro

I been on the streets for about three weeks now. Three weeks ago, a walked out the door of an abusive foster house, they pulled the last straw that night. Usually I let them beat me up, knowing that there was nothing I would be able to do about it. But that night, it was different. Much different. I was used to being called names, like bitch and slut, and being hit. I'm not going to tell you my name. I just met you and that's plain on weird. Anyways, back to the story of my miserable life.

Three weeks ago, my foster dad, a 'loving guy' threatened to take the most important thing in my life, the thing that helped me the most, I'm not one of those fosters kids who have a picture or a necklace of there passed away family. Instead I only really have one thing that helps me, one thing that so important to me, that when he was yelling at me drunkly, his words slurring, I packed up what I have and walked out the door, not even bothering to let him calm down and call the system. I didn't want him to do that. They'd only find another place that seemed safe on the surface, not all the way through. But when he yelled at me, his words ringing in my ears, I had felt fear. I couldn't let him destroy the only thing that could help me.

He threatened to take my hearing.

The only thing that truly made me weak.

My life was turned upside down one night, it got better, better than I ever thought. And I'm going to tell you the story.

This is a story about a family, The Fosters.

This is just a starter on the story, not an actual chapter. I'm gonna try to make most of the chapters 2,000-3,000 words long. It's going to be different from my other Foster stories, it's going to be more like the show. Not just Brallie -PercyFosterMellark


	2. Chapter 1 Jude Foster

_**Jude Foster**_

* * *

I sit on the couch, between my two sisters, groaning. Mariana, my foster sister wants to watch the notebook, and Callie, my biological sister wants to watch some other sappy romance movie that somebody showed her, that I never heard of.

"Hey!" I say, getting their attention. "Can we just watch something that's interesting?" I ask, wishing that I took Jesus's offer to hang out with him today. I really wished I have a time machine.

"But the notebook is interesting," Mariana says, in her always somewhat happy and preppy voice. "Very interesting. Gripping."

I shake my head. "Iron man 3," I state simply. There was no way I am going to see through a two hour long romance movie sitting next to a sister like Mariana.

Callie shakes her head. "No we watched that a few weeks ago. Can't we just watch something else?"

"And we watched a romantic movie the last time I stayed home with you guys on a Friday night."

"Fine," Mariana tells me, resting her feet on the table. "You will tell us a list of movies that you want to watch, and me and Callie will choose between them, sound fair?"

"But they have to be good movies," Callie pipes in. "Like really good."

I sigh, and think. "Pacific rim?" No response. "Captain America? White House Down? What abou-"

"Wait! Wait! Cals! Callie, I think I found the movie!"

"White House down?"

"Channing Tatum!" Mariana squeals in my ear, getting the disk and putting it in the DVD player quickly, due to her happiness, causing me to shake my head and want to rip my ears off so I don't have to deal with her squealing like a baby.

"Typical," I mutter to myself as I go to the kitchen to get a bowl of popcorn. "Just typical."

"Jude!" That was Callie. "Hurry up! The movie's about to start!"

I smile to myself at Callie's happiness. Before we got adopted by the Stef and Lena, she was only open and happy around me, but ever since we came her, she's been happier than I've seen her, spending time with Mariana, going on dates with Wyatt, socializing.

"Coming!" I holler back, hitting the end button before it reaches zero; I hated the beeping noise. "I'm coming!" I tell them, pouring the popcorn into a bowl quickly.

"Thanks Judicorn," Mariana tells me as I sit down between them again, wanting to enjoy the movie, her taking the popcorn away from me.

"Wha- hey, no! You don't get any of this until you promise me that you won't squeal in my ear every-time you see Channing Tatum like a five year old!" I say, taking the bowl back, trying to be serious, even though I'm laughing at the fact that she does that.

"Fine! Now, give me the popcorn, he's on!" Mariana tells me, squealing again, ignoring my warning, and I sigh again, crossing my arms.

"You're impossible," I tell her. "You're worse than Callie."

"Hey!" Callie says loudly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe that you're just amazing sister, just like Mariana."

"Awww!" Mariana squeals. "Sister sandwich!"

I'm quickly into both of their arms, both of them laughing. "I thought moms are the ones that did the sandwich."

"Well, we do it too, now." Mariana says as the doorbell rings.

Both of them look at me.

"What did you do this time?" Callie asks.

"I ordered pizza," I answer, getting up to answer the door. "And all of us are gonna eat it. I'm not going to waste 30 dollars on a pizza that nobody eats."

When I answer the door, I'm surprised to see Lena, one of my moms at the door.

"Why is the door locked?"

"It's like ten o clock at night, and why don't you have your keys?" I rebound as she comes inside.

"I forgot them," Lena tells me, then hears the TV blaring from the living room, and Callie and Mariana on the couch, throwing food at each other. "What are you kids up too?"

"We're watching a movie. And I ordered pizza, but it hasn't come yet," I tell her, shrugging. "Nothin' major. Just our normal Friday night.

Lena nods, and hangs up her jacket. "Just be quiet. I'm going to bed, and Stef is working later tonight than we thought."

"Okay," I answer as she kisses my cheek. "Goodnight, mom."

"Goodnight, Girls!"

"Goodnight!"

Lena makes her way upstairs and I sit down between Callie and Mariana as the door flies open, Jesus storming in and slamming the door behind him.

"Shhh!" We all say, looking at him. "Mom is trying to sleep!"

"Sorry!" He says as he kicks off his shoes and sits on the other side of Mariana, his anger clear to everybody. It was almost radiating off of him as he mutters something to himself sourly.

"How was your date with Emma?" Callie asks, probably due to his sour mood.

"Horrible. I really don't understand girls. Emma was fine, but other girls really need to take it down a notch."

"Not all girls are like that." Mariana says, probably to defend herself.

Jesus shrugs as the door flies open again, Stef walking in, a girl my age or a year older behind her. The look on my mom face tells me that it's no time to ask any questions, just listen to her. Callie turns off the TV, and I'm already taking the girls bag from her, and bring it over to couch, dropping it on the floor. I meet the girls brown eyes, and they're full of fear and confusion.

"Jude, go get Lena," I hear Stef tell me, but I don't react right away, I just stand there frozen, and I can't seem to hear or notice anything until I feel Stef's hand on my shoulder. "Jude, honey! Now!"

The seriousness in her voice gets me running up the stairs, two at a time, not caring if it makes noise. I knock on the door gently, and I hear Lena mumble something that sounds like come in. I throw the door open and turn on the light.

"Stef. New kid. Downstairs, like right now." I tell her quickly before running down the stairs, everybody at the table, expect for Stef, who's leaning against the counter.

"Jude, why don't you come sit with us?"

At first, I thought about telling Stef that I don't want to sit down, that I want to stay on my feet. It's stupid, but most of the time, it bothers me when people tell him to sit down. I don't say anything, just sit next to Callie, and give her a small smile. We've never expected that there'd be a new kid in our house. We're a full house. Door's close.

Lena comes downstairs, just to see all of us sitting at the table, nobody saying anything. She scans every single one of us slowly, her gaze softening when she sees the girl, and I know it's going to be the same thing with me and Callie. She's going to welcome her with an open heart. She doesn't care where she came from. She knows she deserves a chance at a family. A chance for people to know who she really is. A new path. Anything Stef and Lena want to give her. Lena breaks out into a small kind smile before asking, "Who's this?"

* * *

_It's not where you come from, It's you belong._

_I would have any other way. You're surrounded by love and you're wanted._

_So never feel alone. You are home with me. Right where you belong. - Kari Kimmel, Where you belong._


	3. Chapter 2 Jude Foster

Jude Foster

She doesn't talk. Not at all. Not a single word, not last night when we asked her for her name. I want to ask her if she even can talk, but I that's rude. I can not just ask her that. Moms would kill me if they found out. Not this morning when I woke up early and decided to say good morning to her. Not right now.

I let out an annoyed sigh as I look at her. We sit across from each other at the table. "Are you in the system?" I ask her again, rubbing my temples, I was getting frustrated with her, partly because she didn't say anything, and partly because she's reminding me so much of how Callie was before we came here. I look at her, waiting for any thing. Any sort of gesture that lets me know that she understands me. That I'm not doing this for no reason and have her stare at me to the point where it gets uncomfortable.

The girl doesn't do anything, ignoring my silent prayers for her to speak. Just stares at me with broken eyes, and I feel horrible. I'm acting like some snobby kid who's being forced to talk to her, I'm just another person that'll tell her she's worthless, which is not the case, but I can see it in her eyes. They're daring me to tell her that she doesn't belong here, tell her that's she's worthless. Maybe hit her too, but I can't do those things. I would never do them. I wasn't going to let her win, I wasn't going to act like the foster parents Callie and I have dealt with before we came here. I am not going to give into the look she is giving me, because then she will think I am weak, and maybe I am. Callie is the one who has had all of the hard stuff happen to her, not me, but I still know what it feels like.

I still know what it feels like to think that everything that has happened to the people you care about was your fault, to wonder why people hate you. Wether they were drunk or not when they said it. I know what it feels like to feel completely utterly alone, no matter what people said. If it was that they 'cared' about you. But you could tell. You could tell that they didn't. They only said that because felt bad for you, but did nothing for you.

I suddenly slump over, her mood affecting mine, and I don't feel slightly happy anymore. I rest my chin on my folded arms, and look up at her, still hoping there was something she would do. Just one small thing. No matter what it is. "Can you say something?" I mutter, looking away from her brown eyes. I can't stand the look in them. There's still no response. I sigh, and run my fingers through my hair. "Anything?" I plead.

I watch her carefully, hoping for some sort of moment, and she shrugs, making my head perk up.

Progress.

A smile slips onto my face, and I sit up again. "We're making progress," I tell her, and she still shows no emotion, and I am reminded of Callie, how she told me that it was for the best, doing that. Cutting me off. "Can you write your name down? Or something? Anything, please? I just want to help you. Please believe me when I say that. I need you too believe me," I don't mean to sound so desperate, but I am desperate, it wouldn't even matter. "I know what it feels like too, getting passed around like nothing. Getting thrown around. I watched it happen to my older sister all of the time."

The girl shakes her head, and I start to list names, changing the subject suddenly, but she seems to understand what I'm trying to do. But doesn't offer anything. "Geraldine? Ashely? That name is overrated, but still. Katie? Kellie? Samantha?"

There's a look of confusion on her face that asks me why the hell do you want to know my name?

I sigh, and run my fingers through my hair before going on. "Kim?" I start to feel like the prince from the little mermaid, always asking her name until he got help from the crab. "Is it okay if I call you anything? It has to be a name you like, though."

She just stares at me, and I stare back at her, waiting for some sort of response. After about five minutes of staring at each other, Stef comes downstairs in her uniform, only to find two kids sitting at the table, not even acknowledging her.

"Good morning, sweethearts."

I mumble her a good morning to her as she passes by me, not breaking eye contact with the girls brown eyes, that are still daring me to tell her that she's worthless and treat her that way, but I can't bring myself to do it, I don't want to tell her. I know what she's feeling and thinking.

She thinks that she can't trust me, but I'm a lot like her, or was at least.

Stef sighs as she gets herself a cup of coffee. "Just going to sit there?"

I break eye contact with the girl and look at Stef. "Huh?"

"I have too work, and your mother is still in bed, and the others are going to be waking up soon. What does that mean?"

"I have to cook?" I ask, groaning. "Can't Callie cook? She took cooking lessons while she was at Girls united, not that she needed it. She was already able to cook." It reminds me of my real mother, the way Callie's cooking tasted, and it always comforted me, to know that as long I have Callie, I'll have a part of my mother and a sister with me. I never had the heart to tell Stef that, I just feel like she wouldn't understand that. I know she's had a hard life, but I feel like it's not like Callie's. I had easier than she did, Callie gave up everything for me.

"And I am sure that you have the same skill," Stef tells me, ruffling my hair as she walks by, grabbing her jacket. "Tell the others that I wish them a good morning." Then Stef leaves, leaving me alone with the girl. Stef really thought that I was going to cook? Good luck with that, mom. I'll tell Callie that she has to cook. Much easier.

I look back at the girl, and start thinking about what names seemed to suit her. She reminded me of Mariana and Jesus in a way, with her dark, almost black hair and brown eyes. "Ally?" The girl raises her eyebrow. "Way off, I'm guessing. Brooke? Kathryn?"

I give up when I hear a pair of footsteps from upstairs, no doubt Callie. Most of the time, she woke up earliest on the weekends. Callie comes into the kitchen, and I can tell that she was surprised a first, but quickly gets over it as she opens the fridge and gets out orange juice. "Morning, Judicorn."

"Morning, Cals. Mom wants you to cook breakfast."

Callie sighs, and looks at me. "What do you want? Whatever you choose is what Mariana and Jesus are eating. Make sure it's something they'll eat."

I look over at the girl. "Chocolate Chip Pancakes?"

The girl shrugs, and I look at Callie. "Chocolate chip pancakes it is."

The moment bacon hits the frying pan, Jesus and Mariana are literally flying down the stairs, Mariana sits next to me, and Jesus sits next to the girl, already getting himself a cup of milk.

"Thank the lord," Jesus says. "I can finally eat bacon again." Wrestling season ending last week with his team winning the state championship.

"Doesn't mean it's healthy." Mariana point out.

Jesus shrugs. "You want bacon just as much as I do."

Mariana grumbles something about twin brothers, and getting the orange juice.

I sit quietly, still looking at the girl. At least when we came here Callie talked. Yeah, it wasn't a lot, but at least Callie is happy now. I look over at Callie, who's standing by the stove, watching the pancakes carefully. She looked happy, not a sixteen year old girl who gave up everything for her younger brother, not the sister I remember who got abused for me, not the one who let our foster parents to force her to do something. I'm still trying to come up with a way to pay her back. We take care of each other, but it was more of her taking care of me.

And I can't help wonder if that is what happened to the girl. Expect maybe she doesn't have a brother. Maybe she has a sister. Or nobody, but she has know that same pain Callie has. I want to get the thoughts out of my head, and I don't look at Callie or The Girl.

Breakfast goes by fast, and the girl still hasn't said a word, even with all of us attempting to make small talk with her. As soon as we're done, I need to get away from everybody. I want to go outside, but that's out of the question, they would freak out when they find out that I didn't tell them where I was, or what I was thinking. I settle in on reading, one of things that I have recently started doing more often, thanks to Lena.

"Hey, Jude?" I look up from the book I was reading when I hear Callie voice calling my name.

"Yeah?" I ask, look up at her leaning against the door frame of mine and Jesus room, a small frown on her lips that seems to disappears the moment I notice it, as if she doesn't want me to question what is bothering her.

"We're going to need you to help more, buddy.w

I probably looked confused, because she just smiles and sit down next to me, her hand resting on my shoulder, a gesture that comforted me when I was younger. It still does sometimes. "Not with your chores, with her. Maybe you can get her to open up, you know? You're the closest one to her age. Don't let her be like me."

"You want me to be like Brandon?" I question, thinking back to how the only other person she really opened up to was Brandon. No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't know her as well as I wanted to, or as well somebody should know their sister.

I can feel Callie tense up a little, sometimes it still was a touchy subject with her, and I can see why. Sometimes it was so obvious that she still cared about him that was. "Yeah, Jude, like Brandon. She might not have a younger sibling that helps her. Like I have you. You help her. Help us take care of her."

"Okay?" I tell her, but it's more like a question, and maybe it is. How in the world and I going to get her to open up to me when I'm having one sides conversations with her? It seems impossible.

Callie stands up, and starts leaving my room. "One more thing, Jude."

"Yeah?"

"You can trust me, right? With anything right? We take care of each other, especially if it's someone you love."

I smile, and nod, thinking of all the times she had taken care of me, taken all of the blame I should've gotten, how I was the reason why she wasn't able to trust somebody for a long time, even if they actually did want to help us. "We always will."

* * *

_You only know what I want you to._

_I know everything you don't want me to._

_Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine._

_You think your dreams are the same as mine._

_I don't love you but I always will.  
- The Civil War, Poison and Wine_


	4. Chapter 3 Jude Foster

I am jammed into the back of our truck on the way to school. And the girl, I feel bad for her. She's crammed between a bickering Jesus and Mariana, complaining like they always do as Stef and Callie make small talk in the front of the car. From my seat in the back, I can see an Implant on her ear, or at least that is what I think it is. I have seen them before, but I've never directly talked to somebody deaf. I'm pulling out my earbuds to listen to music when Lena calls for me, demanding that the Twins shut up, seeing that they were almost yelling at each other. The rest of us ignore them, knowing it was over something completely stupid. Just like the rest of their fights.

"Jude, Honey," Lena says, not peeling her eyes from the road in front of us as she shakes her head at that twins fighting. All of us are used to it of course, but it's been happening a lot more lately than it has in the past. "Can you help her find her classes?"

I nod, then realizing that she wasn't looking at me, I nod again, and speak, "Yes. Do you have her schedule?" I ask, looking at the girl, who had turned and looked at me, a look on her face like, I'm stuck with the idiot. Great. I try to give her a smile, but she's already facing the front again, looking at Lena.

"Yes, Callie tell Mariana to give this to Jude, and to tell them to figure it out later before they're the reason we crash." Lena says, rubbing her temples as we stop, shaking her head, and I know that her headaches are getting worse. For the rest of us, it's better than having to deal with her morning sickness. Even Mariana seemed less happy about having a baby in the house when it happened.

Jesus and Mariana ignore what Lena said, the schedule being shoved into my face as their voices even get louder, Mariana crossing her arms. "Well, it's not my fault that Emma wo-"

"Both of you shut up!" Lena says, shaking her head. "We're at school. Can't you to act like normal people for once and not tell at each other to the point where teachers have to send you down to my office?"

Both of them grumble something about how it's not their fault and cross their arms as Callie smiles, and shakes her head. "It's okay. You still have me and Jude."

Lena nods, her words making a small smile creep up onto her face. "My favorites. At least you try to get along." She says, and unlocks the car, and I just climb out of the trunk, seeing it would be easier than waiting on the twins, who have already resumed their arguing in hushed voices, attempting to be quite, but it won't last very long. I ignore them when they both turn on me, demanding a question for an answer I didn't hear, and look over the girls schedule, wondering how Lena managed to get her in the school without knowing anything about her, and I look over at her, and she's staring down at her worn out Nike's, her hair in a sloppy ponytail, a loose tee shirt and jeans.

"Hey," I say awkwardly as we start walking towards the school, and I see a shock of look on her face when she sees the beach, which all of us were probably surprised the first time we saw it. "You have most of the same classes, so I guess I can show you around the school if you want me too." She doesn't say anything, and I'm angered at the fact that she can't even say one word to me, when the only thing I've been doing is talking to her, trying to show her that I am not going to hurt her, I'm not that type of person. "Look, I get it that you don't want to talk, but you have to if you expect people to help you, so you're going to tell me one thing about yourself. Right now. Your name, anything."

At first she stares at me blankly, for a few minutes, and I am ready to walk away from her, about to tell her that she can find the classes herself when she swallows slowly, shaking her head slowly before she shrugs. "I don't know," She tells me, her voice raspy, and she stuffs her hands into her jeans, leaning her thin structure against the tree next to her. "What do you want me to talk you? I'm not a very interesting person. If anything, I'd stay away from me."

I look at her confused, tapping my foot against the pavement, and I raise an eyebrow raise questionably. Why would I stay away from her? Why should I?"Why should I stay away from you?" I ask, shaking my head. "I mean, you're kinda livin' with me, so, how can I stay away from you?"

"Just do," She tells me, giving me a tight smile, kicking a rock gently, shrugging as if this was a normal conversation for both of us. Acting like we have known each other for years, and changes the topic casually. And it makes me want to yell at her. After of three days of talking to her, and getting no response from her, she's suddenly talking to me. "So, how 'bout that tour of the school?"

* * *

I give her a tour like I said I would. She didn't just suddenly stop talking, she kept talking to me when I asked her questions, or mentioned something, but nothing more than the answer of the question, nothing less. I still have learned nothing about this girl. At one point, I called her Johanna, just because I saw the real Johanna in the hallway, talking to Connor. It earned a laugh from her, shaking her head, asking me if I was really trying to figure out her name again.

"Wha- uh, no. I don't know. Maybe?" I offer, turning left to show her the gym. It doesn't make sense that we have one, everybody stays outside in the first place, no matter what class, there was always a day of the week me managed to go outside, if you're in PE or not. "Well, how come I can't know your name?" I ask.

She looks at me, and pinches the bridge of her nose before she sighs, looking down at her feet, shrugging, acting like it wasn't a big deal. But it clearly bothered her a lot, and I watch her closely as her face shows some confusion. "Why do you want to know my name so much?" She finally asks when the silence between us started to get awkward, and I look up to find her staring at me, her blue eyes demanding an answer.

"I-I uh.. I don't know. It's kinda hard to get to know somebody with out knowing their name, ya know? I feel weird not being able to call you anything. It's just something I'm used to, ya know? Like my family. I always call my sister Callie or Cals. Not hey, girl I know you," I tell her, looking away from her, not wanting to meet her eyes for a reason I can't lay my finger on. "I feel like I'll know more about you if I know your name."

She smiles, but there's no happiness behind it, and she just stuffs her hands in her pockets, looking away from me. "I didn't say you have to do that, know me. Pick a name."

I look at her, confused, and she sighs. "Pick a name," She repeats before adding, "For me. 'Cause I'm not telling you my name." She tells me simply as I see Connor walking towards us, and he smiles when I notice him.

"W-what? No! I'm not naming you, god! Why would I do that? I only plan on naming my own child, not somebody else's." I tell her, not sure of what else to say. Sure it was completely stupid, I have no filter between my brain and mouth, thanks to spending to much time with Jesus. It has become a very bad habit of mine, to not think before I say anything.

"Ooh, why not? You're not naming me. Think of it as a nickname, Jude. That's you right? Jude." She says running her fingers through her hair, playing with one on the straps on the backpack we gave her, and she shakes her head.

I nod, smiling, knowing that we are making even more progress, since she finally started talking. Only if I would be able to get her to talk at home. Now that I think about it, I doubt she would. Not today, at least. "I'm not giving you a nickname until you tell me your name, because from what I know, a nickname is either based on who you are, or your name."

"Well, than I am truly sorry," She tells me, her eyes glancing up at Connor who is now standing next to me, and I can tell by the way he looks down at me, he's going to have a lot of questions for me later, wondering about what happened about Stef and Lena not being able to foster anymore kids. She continues slowly. "Because I am afraid of it... But I do not know who I am."

She starts to walk down the hallway, leaving me alone with Connor before I realise what she just said. "Wait!" I call, and she looks back at me, her eyebrow raised, waiting for me to go on, and instead of asking her the question that I wanted to, I gesture to Connor. "This Connor, my friend. Connor, this is..." I trail off, and look at her, waiting for an answer.

She smiles kindly at Connor. "Right now I'm a nobody."

Connor nods, running his hand through his hair before holding it out to her, waiting for her to shake it. At first, she stands there, silently debating with herself is she should take his hand or not, just as it got to the point where Connor was about to pull his hand back, she takes it, revealing scars on her wrist. Connor is the first one to react to it, "Woah! Your arm! O-oh god! S-sorry!" He stutters as she lets go of his hand. She looks at me, and I know that she's waiting for me to question it, but I decide that now is not the time to ask her about it, like she'd even open up fro me, so I ask the other question in the back of my head. It's the only other question I want the answer to, no, I need the answer. "Why can't I know your name?"

Her smile disappears, and a small frown takes place, and I know she expected me to ask her why. Why'd she would want to hurt herself. Or why she'd would even think about hurting herself. Her face becomes completely serious, no trace left of any small amount of happiness she showed seconds before, and she looks at me and Connor before answering.

"Secret."


	5. Chapter 4 Jude Foster

_Jude Foster_

Just as I predicted, she doesn't say anything when we get home. Stef and Lena, well they don't really care at this point that she doesn't respond to anything they say, and Callie, she was confused about her not talking.

"I thought I saw her talking to you at school today," She tells me, a small frown on her face as she drops her pencil, a sign that she was giving up on her paper or homework. Whatever she's working on. "Or I'm just going crazy."

I shrug, looking back down on my math homework that only makes some sense to me. "She did a few times," I say, answering Callie's question. "It doesn't surprise me that's she not talking here. I almost expect it to happen, ya know? Three days of not talking, then she suddenly is. I don't really think she would talk here."

"Why not?" Callie ask, shaking her head, trying to make sense of it. "I mean, she can trust us."

I look up to see if the girl has come into the kitchen, but she hasn't, then I look back at Callie before answering her. "I think it's just because I... ugh, Never mind," Callie looks at me, and I sigh. "I kinda, I... I yelled at her."

I feel Callie's eyes on me as she looks at me I'm shock, wondering why I would yell at her if we're trying to let her know that this is a safe house for her. To be honest, I know that I know that I shouldn't have yelled at her just because she wasn't talking to me. Who knows what she's been through. "You what?" Callie says, not trying to cover her shock. Normally I was the one know for not yelling at anybody. "You yelled at her?"

I run my fingers through my hair. "Okay, now you're making me feel worse about it," I tell her, grabbing my empty glass, and get up to fill it up with more orange juice. "I said sorry. I just tired of her just looking at me every time I talked to her, ya know? I just told her to say one thing to me, and she did." I explain as Callie watches me closely. "So I didn't actually yell at her."

Callie nods, and gives me a small smile before she sighs as she picks up her pen and starts to work on her homework, and I know something is bothering her. There's circles underneath her eyes too, and I mentally hit myself for not talking to her about it this morning. "What's wrong?" I ask as I sit down again.

She shakes her head, brushing me off. "It's nothing, Jude. I promise, okay? Nothing's wrong," Her voice cracks, and I prepare myself for the worst, to see Callie cry. Not that it's wrong for somebody to cry, I'm just so used to her being strong, sometimes, it actually scared me when I see her cry. She shakes her head again, and buries it in her hands. "He's just so freakin' stupid, Jude!"

At first I'm confused, but then I know what she's talking about, or at least in have a good guess about it. Her biological father. The man my mother named her after, and I want to demand why she's talking to him again, why she would even think about talking to him when she's happy here. And after he abandoned her. I feel anger in my veins for somebody I've never met, I've seen him once; when he came over here to talk to Stef and Lena, but I never spoke to him. "What does he want?" I spit out, not trying to hide my disgust.

"It's nothing, Jude." She's pushing me away, again. And it hurts me, I'm not the one she pushes away, I'm the one she can trust, right? I'm her brother. Half brother, but that's still good enough, right? She has trusted me with stuff that she hasn't with anybody else. Like about Liam. Or that one time when I found her cutting her wrists.

"He wants you, doesn't he?" I ask, resting my head against the table, slumping over. "But he already signed away his rights, he can't, can he? He can't, Cals. Not when you have Stef and Lena, right? He was never here for you when he knew where you were. He didn't try to help at all, until you went looking for him. This isn't fair."

"I know it's not, Jude," Callie whispers, her face still in her hands. "I know that, but he's my dad, and he's rich. He can basically pay anybody to do what he wants them to do until he gets me."

"Is that what he said?" I demand. "Did he say that he's sorry for the horrible job he's done as your father? That he's sorry and he needs you because you're 'his' daughter?"

"He does have a point, Jude." Callie says so quietly, I almost don't hear her, and she didn't want me to hear her.

"No he doesn't! Your Stef and Lena's daughter!" I yell, my voice getting louder, not being able to hold my anger back anymore. He father shouldn't be anywhere near her, this is her family. Jesus and Mariana are. I can hear Stef and Lena coming down the stairs, probably wondering why I was yelling at Callie, and I'm already grabbing my stuff before they get to the kitchen and push past to my and Jesus room.

Less than three minutes later, Lena is knocking on the door on my side of the room, and I sigh, and burry my face in my textbook and say, "It's open!" The book muffling my voice, and Lena comes walking in, sitting on the end of my bed.

"You okay?" Lena asks, and I can tell that Callie has already told them what happened, judging on the tone of her voice. I shake my head no in my answer, and Lena sighs. "I know you don't like him, Jude. But that doesn't mean you had to yell at Callie."

"I know. But she... I don't know. Forget it." I tell Lena, looking up at her, and she looks at me questioningly, her eyebrow raised, and I know I have no choice but to go on. "She said that he wants her back," I mumble, shaking my head. "And I just lost it you know? I don't want to lose her again."

Lena is quite, and I know she understands what I meant. I've already lost Callie enough times, even if they were only temporary, and this time it could be perment. Not just a run away. Or a few months in juvie. Her father would probably end up getting full custody. And I'll end up all alone. Again. Even if I have Stef and Lena and the twins. Without Callie, everything just seems different and weird. No, I wouldn't be able to get by without her. I'm just so used to having her with me, even when she was at girl united. I knew that she'd end up coming home. But her father, no, I wouldn't be able to see her at all. Thinking about makes me want to be the one leaving, so Callie knows what it feels like. To have the world swept from your feet and you can't get back up.

"Is anything else bothering you?" Lena asks quietly, and I think about the scars on the girl wrists. That was bothering me. I don't want anybody hurting themselves. They shouldn't even be thinking about hurting themselves.

I run my fingers through my hair and sigh, debating if I should tell Lena or not. I think of the ways I can put it. The new kid living with us self harms. Sign her up for therapy, like right now. That would be so random, she might think I don't mean it. "No." I tell Lena quietly, promising myself that if it does get out of hand, I'll tell her or Stef.

Jude, I want you to go say sorry, okay? She's already feeling bad enough about it. You shouldn't have yelled at her. Remember how that ended last time?"

I nod, and sigh again. Of course I remember that. I made her feel bad after she did one thing for herself. I for sure didn't want something like that to happen again. I make my way to the kitchen carefully, expecting Stef to be ready to tell at me, but she is not even there, and Callie is working on her homework, not even saying anything to me when she sees me walking in.

"I'm sorry," I mutter, and Callie looks at me like I'm insane. And maybe I am, yelling at her like that. "For yelling at you. I shouldn't have done that." I tell her, and she is still staring at me.

After a few minutes, she nods, looking away from me, like she expected it. "You should know that I don't want to leave you again, Jude. I've done that too many times."

What would happen if it was the other way around? If I was the one who ended up leaving her? I didn't want to know what it would be like. To be honest, I am just as scared of leaving Callie just as much as her being the one leaving me, and it doesn't seem that fair. It would be the same, right? I'll feel the same when Callie was gone, wouldn't I? I don't say anything, and Callie notices.

"Jude, I-"

I cut her off, knowing what she was going to say. To be honest, I heard it too many times. "I know," I tell her. "You didn't mean it like that. You're just trying to protect me. I don't need it anymore, Callie. I have a dad that doesn't care. My mom is dead. I get it. You just don't want me to get hurt again."

"She was my mom, too! I know what it feels like just as much as you do, Jude! How'd you think I felt when I realize that the man that was like father isn't? And that I have half sibling living with my real dad who's rich as hell and still doesn't care, no matter what he says? Yeah, Jude, I know what it feels like."

I don't know why I'm so startled by her outburst, I completely deserved to be yelled at by her. It shouldn't surprise me at all, when it's so obvious that she was holding it all back in her head, waiting to the point where I'm the one who goes to far, so she has a reason.

I'm silent.

I can't sleep. Maybe it's because Callie has a point. Maybe it's because I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I should do for Callie. I can't just force her to do something she doesn't want to do. What if she really does want to go with her dad? I shouldn't try to change what she wants, right?

I need to get out of mine and Jesus' room, it's getting way to hot. So I grab the empty cup on my nightstand and I go downstairs to get more water. The girl is still sleeping on the couch, Stef and Lena are still trying to figure out what to do, for sleeping arrangements, at least.

I was about to go back up stairs when I notice that she's thrashing around. Maybe she's not comfortable. But I know it too well, the difference from not being comfortable and all the bad memories that find their way into your dreams. Not sure of what will help her, everybody's different, I think about waking her up. She's covered in sweat, and her shirt clings to her small body, and I hear her mumble something. I shake her shoulders gently, not wanting to startle her, if she does wake up. She wakes up, gasping, and shivering, ignoring my staring at her.

I can leave her now, right? Now that she's awake. The memories won't be as vivid when she's awake, I know that for a fact. She's sitting up now, her face in her hands, and I can tell she's crying. By the way her shoulders are forward. Without thinking, I sit next to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder, mumbling comforting words in her ear as she collapses into my chest, her tears staining my shirt. I don't know how long I'm sitting there with her, all I know is that she's freezing, and I want to offer to get her another blanket when she speaks.

"My name is Allison."


	6. Chapter 5 Allison

_Allison_

I want smack myself. One, It was completely random, Two, he had finally stopped asking me for my name. I shouldn't have just told him my name. It could be one of the worst choices in my life. Besides the people that moved me from house to house, he is the only one that knows it. I don't even use it anymore. If I told people that, I'd probably get weird looks, and they would tell me that it's stupid. I have to go by Allison. It's my name, right? It's who I am.

Wrong. The old Allison would hate me. This Allison. The old Allison would want to put miles and miles between her and this Allison. Burn her to dust. She would hate how I have no control in my life. She would be disappointed that I'm not doing what I always wanted to. The old Allison was always about helping others and doing what you wanted, no matter what's in her way. She wouldn't let anybody put her down. She'd let them know how much better than that.

Jude. He hasn't said anything. Not since I told him my name, at least. I expect him to act like I didn't say anything, and go back to his room. But I don't want him to leave, I want him to stay. His arm is still wrapped tightly around my shoulder, and he looks down at me. "I think that's a pretty name," He tells me, a small smile on his lips. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

I don't know what to say. I don't know how to say it. I want to answer him with a question, knowing it would probably throw him off, which would only make him ask even more questions. Then I would end up answering them. But part of me tells me that I should tell him, and I sigh. "Because I'm not the same."

Jude looks at me confused, and I don't offer to give him an explanation, I know it will just result with more questions to answer, and I didn't want that. Not at all. I don't know what time it is, all I know that it's late, or it's very early. "Why don't you go back to bed, Jude."

His small smile turns into a small frown that he tries to hide. I know that he's upset by my response. He woke me up, for god sake. These days, being awake is a lot better than sleep. I know I hurt him, and I want to say sorry to him, but I can't bring myself to say it. Everybody says that, especially when they say something that bothers or hurts somebody, right? Why would it matter if it's only say it? Most of the time, it's the words that hurt.

He nods quietly, his brown eyes watching me carefully, and I start to feel uncomfortable. Not that Jude makes me feel that way. If anything, he made me feel better about myself. It's just the way he's looking at me. i'm not used to people looking at me, concerned about me, at least.

"Y-yeah, you're right. I should go get some more sleep. You should too, we have school tomorrow, and trust me, you'll want more sleep."

I don't answer him, and he starts to go up the stairs. I want to stop him, and thank him. For waking me up, and comforting me. Most people would be giving up on me. And Jude is one of the few people who haven't given up on me. So far at least, and I should tell him thank you for that, right?

But I stop myself, and almost yank off my cochlear implant, the quiet house getting just as quiet as it was before. The only difference? I won't be able to hear any of the noise. At all. Sometimes, it's peaceful, and other times, it bugs me so much, not hearing made me weak. An easy target. For what? Anything.

I pull the blanket over my head, not caring about how hot and stuffy it gets underneath them. I think about my slip this morning. With Jude and his friend. What was his name? Colton? Pretty sure it's Connor. Big mistake. Shaking his hand. What the hell was I thinking? That he wouldn't see my arms? I could've pulled down my sleeves, right? Before I shook it. But that would have only made Jude question it.

So being the moron I am, I took his hand and shook it like I'm a normal person. Besides the fact of my hand being much smaller and much colder than his, I remember him stuttering. The sight of my arm made him more nervous than me. I could tell by the way he quickly let go of my hand, as if it would hurt to touch me, the confusion in his eyes as he ran his fingers through his brown hair, tugging at it, mumbling something about being sorry.

I brushed off my own shock quickly, telling myself that nothing happened. That I'm okay, that I'm fine. That he did not see them. Or that Jude did not. It just made it easier for me to deal with. If they thought the ones on my arms were bad, they should see my thighs.

My fingers run along the scars, shaking my head in disgust at myself. The first day I did it, it hurt so much I thought I would never do it again. I made a mistake that day. But what was the mistake? Cutting, or even thinking about it?

I tell myself that both of them were the mistake, but that doesn't make sense. Both of them are basically the same thing, right? Cutting and thinking about it? They both have the same outcome. Pain.

But everybody feels pain, so why should it matter, the fact that some people get it worse than others? It's not their fault that they have less or more pain than you.

The amount of pain, I think, depends on how you react to it. Some people, they just completely shut down, sobbing, falling to their knees, their pain becoming physical. Some people shut down, just like the other people. The only difference is that the pain is too much for them to even show any emotion. They just go on, doing the daily actives in their life, a hole in their chest.

Then there's the people like me. The idiots who think that to make the pain go away, you bring yourself more pain. But that's the worst thing you can do, because at first, you think it only makes you have more pain. Then you end up going back to it, thinking that the type of pain you get from it is better than you have now. If anything, it just makes it worse.

I can't fall back asleep, so I just lay there until Stef comes down and wakes me up, dressed up in her uniform, holding a cup of coffee, her lips pressed into a thin line.

I quickly reach for my implant, and she watches me carefully, but I ignore it. "I'd go get ready," Stef says, not saying anything about it. "I woke you up before everybody else today, so hurry up."

She doesn't give me time to respond, not that I would. I don't plan on talking to her or Lena anytime soon. Usually, I don't talk at all. But there's something about Jude that just made me do it on instinct.

I pull the first two clean things out of my bag, and look at my worn out Nike sneakers. I've had them for years. Not that I minded. They were good.

After I finish changing, the house comes to life. Callie comes out of her and Mariana's room, music is playing from behind a closed door. "That's Brandon," Callie informs me when she notices my confused expression. "He stays with his dad for a while then stays here. He got home late last night."

I only nod, and Jude comes out of his room, dressed, a smile on his face, like what I told him last night doesn't upset him anymore, and maybe it doesn't.

"Morning, Callie... and nobody?" He asks, looking at me. I nod, thankful he didn't say my name. I don't need everybody else to know it right now. Last night was a slip. Talking to him at school was a slip.

There's a silent awkward pause between all of us until there's shouting, and I can only assume that it's the twins. Jude just rolls his eyes as he starts down the stairs and I follow him, not exactly sure of what else to do. Stay with Callie? No way.

"We usually have pancakes for breakfast," Jude informs me, and I shrug. "So if you're already tired of them, I'd just get used to it."

He was right about having pancakes.

I just grab an apple from the bowl and grab the backpack they gave me, throwing it over my shoulder.

"Honey, are you sure that you don't want anything else?" Lena asks.

It bothers me to eat so much food in the morning, I think, almost wanting to say something to her. But I just shake my head, sitting down next to Jude, knowing that they would never let me leave until everybody else is ready to leave.

* * *

One thing about this school.

It's full of complete morons. Besides from Jude and Connor, I'll give them that. They actually seem to have some sense in them. I look over at Connor, surprised by the fact that these two fourteen year old boys were having a go at it. Connor just shrugs and gives me a smile.

They're terrible at fighting too. They move their feet to slow to dodge the flying fists. They hold their arms up too high to protect their face, it's only going to throw them off and end up in a couple bruised ribs. You use your arms to protect your face and your torso. One of the boys leans back too much, he should be leaning forward with his dominant side.

I feel hands on my shoulders, and look up to see that it's Connor. "Come on, lets get out of here." He says, grabbing Jude's arm before pushing through the students that had circled around them.

"They're terrible at fighting." I say, it still bothering me.

Connor lets out a small laugh. "What?"

"They lean backwards too much, and they were focusing on using their strength. It's not how much power you have, it's where and how you hit them."

"How do you know all of that crap?"

I don't answer at first. I could say that I had defense lessons. Or that I read about fighting once, which wasn't a complete lie. But the look on Connor's face makes me tell him the truth. "My dad." I answer simply as he looks at me amazed, as if he's surprised by how much I know about fighting.

"That's pretty cool, that you know that much about fighting."

I shrug, pulling my sleeves down. "It can be useful sometimes."

Jude looks back at the small crowd. "Maybe we should go get a teacher? Or Lena, I mean on of them is going to end up getting hurt." He says, like he actually cares about the kids.

"They're idiots," Connor says, grabbing Jude's arm again as he stops walking. "Let them get hurt, it's their fault."

Jude gives up and starts walking with us again as the bell rings, signaling that school is over, and I can't help but feel relived despite all of the homework I have too do.

"I guess that I'll see you later, Nobody," Connor tells me playfully, running his fingers through his light brown hair, a smile on his face. "How come Jude can know your name and I can't?" He asks innocently.

"Because Jude didn't shut up about it and somehow got it out of me."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He repeats before leaving me and Jude alone.

"We have to walk home today," Jude says, looking at me. "It's only like a ten minute walk."

* * *

Jude throws the front door open, and I drop my backpack on the floor by the shoes, and start to go into the kitchen, only to see Stef and Lena sitting at the table with a short pudgy man that I haven't seen in almost four months, his folder opened up in front of him. The papers that have everything about me, good or bad. All of the stuff that I don't want these people to know about me.

Before I can stop myself, not caring about my language, not able to contain my anger at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"


End file.
